I have to tell you, I’m not always the mom I want to be. I lose my temper, have little patience, and forget to not “sweat the small stuff.” But I try really really hard for my girls. These 3 simple phrases help me be a better mom because they remind me to slow down and savor moments of sweet innocence. By asking these questions, I can realign my priorities and remind my girls of how loved they are.
1. “What was your favorite part of today?
My mother-in-law gave me some really great advice when I was feeling overwhelmed with trying to do “all the things.” She said “every day doesn’t have to be special.” Some days, we learn how to clean. Regularly we go to the park. Most days, we do laundry. Rarely do we go to Disney World.
A lot of the time that my girls want to spend with me revolves around playing outside or coloring. Kids are really awesome – they don’t need magical adventures every day – a popsicle will thrill them beyond belief.
I got into the habit of regularly asking Avery “what was your favorite part of today?” to see what things were most meaningful to her.
Want to know what one favorite was?
We had had a fun day playing at the playground, and we may have even gotten slushies. Later that evening, we had a few cuties as a snack and I let them throw the peels in the grass. So what was her favorite part? Yup, throwing those silly peels.
Learning to say “no” can be challenging, especially for moms. We have so many things we need and want to do each day. But by saying “no,” I am really making more time for my family and other priorities.
I can be a better mom because I begin to know what is truly special and memorable to my kids. If I know what is meaningful to them, I can focus on similar things in the future.
2. “I’m so glad I get to be your mama.”
As much as I love my children, they can’t (and shouldn’t) always be the center of my attention. There are things I need to do, and, dare I say it…things I want to do. Let me take some mama guilt away: it is ok (and good!) for kids to learn to wait and to entertain themselves. Your pride and joy needs to hear “no” or “not now” sometimes. Imagine an adult who has never been taught these things! That’s not who I want my children to grow up to be.
And as much as all of that is true, I never EVER want them to feel like being their mama isn’t a blessing. Sometimes I tease at the end of the day that I’m changing my name to something they don’t know, but there aren’t many things sweeter than to hear my girls call me “mommy.” (They’re not allowed to call me “mom” 😜 I tell Avery we’re both too young for that.)
I didn’t stop being “Kelcey” when I became a mother…but a new, wonderful part of me came into being. If I want to continue to grow and be a better mom, I need to remind myself of the privilege of motherhood.
3. “I love you.”
I was fortunate to grow up in a very affectionate home. It wasn’t unusual to be told *several* times each day how much I was loved. I needed that then and still need it now. Families have different dynamics and show love in different ways, but a child needs to know that they are cherished.
Sometimes, I will say to my daughters “Do you know how much I love you? You are such a loved and special little girl,” and then I will literally make a list of how many people love them. I’ll say “Daddy loves you. And Grandma and Grandpa love you. And Gigi and Pops love you. And… And… And…” Rarely can I get through it without tearing up.
Saying “I love you” more than when we part helps me be a better mom because it reemphasizes the gift my children are. I couldn’t even begin to count how many times I say this each day, and I like it that way! I want my girls to know, beyond a shadow of a doubt, that they are oh so incredibly loved.
